I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
