I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
