my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
