if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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