im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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