in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
