She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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