When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize