worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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