So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
