Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
