Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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