I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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