Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
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