i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
