True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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