i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
