A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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