your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
