mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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