Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
