i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
