I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
