I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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