i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
