I don't usually arrange sex via text message
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
