so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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