I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
