My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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