Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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