How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize