I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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