Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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