Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
