You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
