She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
