he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
