birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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