i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
