Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
