If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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