When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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