He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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