hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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