we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize
