just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Is Oprah even human
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
