so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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