U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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