Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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