Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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