Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
