Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
