i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Randomize
