By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
