if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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