for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
