I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize