I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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