My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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