it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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