I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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