so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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