Please, let me fuck your mom
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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