he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
