am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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