Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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