Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
