I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
