I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
false alarm. still invincible.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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