Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
