Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
