I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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